Fake Pupperoni & Full-Time Poverty

Being a writer sounds glamorous until you realize the only thing I’m rich in is manuscripts nobody’s edited yet.

Yes, I’ve got books dropping. Yes, I’ve got a full-time job. And yes, I’ve got a part-time job on top of that because apparently the electric company doesn’t accept “exposure” as payment. Still broke. Still tired. Still living like every day is the season finale of Survivor: Capitalism.

Case in point: this week, I had to sit my dogs down and break the news.“Listen girls, it’s either I skimp on the PupPeroni or the Blue Buffalo. Pick your poison.”

Xena squinted at me like she was about to unionize. Roxi rolled her eyes, huffed, and marched off to chew a Croc in protest. They ended up with the off-brand “pupper sticks” that look like they were made out of red Play-Doh and regret.

And now? We’re on day three of the experiment. They have begrudgingly started eating them—because apparently fake PupPeroni is still better than the fake Milk-Bones. Survival of the bougiest.

But here’s the funniest part: when I actually read the labels side by side, the Aldi-brand knockoffs are healthier. Less salt, fewer mystery fillers, more actual protein. So my dogs are out here staging a hunger strike against the budget option… when the budget option might just add three years to their lifespan.

Meanwhile, my editors told me to “slow down” so they can catch up. Which is hilarious, because I wrote two new books just flying to and from LAX. Me? Slow down? I don’t even know how.

So yeah, I’m juggling jobs, chasing deadlines, and rationing dog treats like we’re in the Great Depression, TikTok edition. But don’t worry—the books are coming. The chaos is coming.

And so help me God, one day these dogs will taste real PupPeroni again.

Signed,

August Quinn

Your full-time writer, full-time worker, part-time poor person.