The Great Pup-Peroni Betrayal

August Quinn
Sep 17, 2025
2 min read

by Roxi (with side-eye from Xena)

Hi, it’s me. Roxi. The household’s Chief Snack Officer and full-time bulldog. I’m here today to file an official complaint: Dad switched our Pup-Peroni to Aldi brand.

At first, I thought it was a joke. Like, “Haha, Dad’s funny, pretending we eat off-brand.” But then he pulled out that red Play-Doh-looking stick, and I realized this was not a drill.

I sniffed it. I squinted. I waddled away in protest. Xena just stared at him like she was filing an HR complaint. Spoiler: we both considered peeing on his shoes.

Day one: protest.

Day two: hunger strike (with a side of dramatic sighing).

Day three: fine, we caved. The Aldi sticks are… edible. Not great. Not Pup-Peroni. But edible.

Commentary from Xena:

For the record, they’re healthier than the real ones. Less salt, fewer fillers, more protein. Dad read the labels like he was cracking a government conspiracy. Joke’s on us—we’re basically on a wellness retreat.

And while we were over here chewing on fake snacks, guess who got himself a new bag and new shoes. Oh, suddenly his taste buds and feet are too precious for knock-offs? Interesting. Very interesting.

Dad’s Comment (a.k.a. Damage Control):

“The shoes and the bag are knockoffs too, thank you very much. I’m out here in fake leather just like you’re out here on fake Pup-Peroni. This whole family is sponsored by dupe culture.”

Back to me: Do I care about “protein ratios”? No. Do I care that my snacks taste like betrayal while Dad’s stomping around in shiny new kicks—even if they are fake? Yes.

Dad keeps saying it’s “inflation.” I say it’s priorities. Maybe he doesn’t need three different streaming subscriptions. Maybe he should skip one of those iced coffees he thinks makes him “quirky.” Buy me my real Pup-Peroni, sir.

Until then, I’ll begrudgingly keep eating the Aldi ones, fart in his office chair, and remind him that snack time is not a democracy.

Signed,

Roxi 🐾 (President of Pup-Peroni Truthers)