Pan, Gay, Andro… and Unapologetically Me - My Sexuality Explained

My sexuality has never been a straight line — and trust me, that pun is fully intended.

Here’s the highlight reel: I was engaged to a woman. Then I spent 7 years in a relationship with a man. After that, I was married to a woman for 12 years. And now? I’ve been with a man for the last two. If that timeline makes you tilt your head like a confused golden retriever, congratulations, you’ve officially joined the club.

So, what does that mean? It means I’m pansexual. I can be attracted to people regardless of gender. But let’s not sugarcoat it — I’m also androsexual. Masculinity is my magnetic north, the thing that pulls me in every single time. If you’ve got the swagger, the presence, that thing, I’m paying attention.

Does that make me “mostly gay”? Absolutely. Men are where my heart, my body, and my truth feel most at home. But none of my past relationships with women were fake. They were love, they were commitment, they were real. Just not my forever.

The through-line in all of this? I’ve never been living a lie. I’ve always been authentic — even when people didn’t have the vocabulary to understand me.

So here it is, clean and unapologetic:

• I’ve loved women.

• I’ve loved men.

• I’m pansexual.

• I’m androsexual (masculinity is my catnip).

• I’m mostly gay.

• And I’m not sorry about any of it.

Because my story isn’t some neat little checkbox. It’s messy, layered, hilarious, heartbreaking, joyful — and 100% mine.

And if you’re out there struggling with your own labels, let this sink in: you don’t have to pick one box to be valid. You’re not broken. You’re layered.

This is me.

Pan. Androsexual. Mostly gay. Always authentic. Never boring.

🐶🐱 Commentary from the Peanut Gallery

🐶Xena: “Translation: Dad’s attracted to people, but mostly to tall men with good arms who know how to use a grill. I could’ve told you that years ago. He swoons if you can parallel park on the first try.”

🐶Roxi: “I, for one, support anything that results in more snacks and someone who scratches behind my ears correctly. Also, Dad, next time you’re writing a blog about attraction, maybe mention how I’m only attracted to chicken nuggets.”

🐱Cookie: “Oh, please. I’ve watched this man for decades. If there’s facial hair, broad shoulders, and a deep voice, he’s toast. Add ginger hair and blue eyes? He doesn’t stand a chance. Pan, gay, andro — call it whatever you want. I just call it predictable.”

🐶Roxi: “And here she is — showing up just to drop one spicy comment and disappear again. Classic Cookie. Where were you during the Roomba wars, huh? Or when Xena brought in a squirrel tail? But say ‘ginger with blue eyes’ and suddenly she materializes like a judgmental ghost.”

🐶Xena: “Also, the labels thing? I get it. I’m 39% shepherd, 18% chow, 16% husky, 14% boxer, 13% wolf — try fitting that in a box. Dad’s just doing what I do every day: refusing to be defined by one category.”

🐶Roxi: “Yeah, and I’m 100% chaos and fabulousness. Labels are for dog food cans.”

🧑‍💻 Dad’s Rebuttal

“First of all, I am not that predictable — though yes, ginger hair and blue eyes will ruin my whole life if I’m not careful. Second, if loving who I love and living how I live means you all get more treats, belly rubs, and a house full of joy, then so be it.

Call me pan, call me gay, call me androsexual. Just don’t expect me to stay inside any box you try to slap a label on — I’ve spent my whole damn life climbing out of those.”